i’m worried my anxiety will ruin my marriage

2021.12.07 05:02 shoesfullofwater i’m worried my anxiety will ruin my marriage

i (20F) am married to my husband (26M) and have been for less than a year now. we’ve always had a strong relationship. we never yell at each other, communicate clearly, love on each other, and try and make time for regular date nights. if it weren’t for my anxiety and his often busy schedule, our relationship would be damn near perfect.
i’ve always had anxiety to a certain degree. i was a nervous kid who had trouble socializing. then i became an anxious teen who got herself into some bad relationships and situations. i don’t feel comfortable going into detail so i’ll just say that i’ve got some trauma that i’ve been working through for a while now with a therapist (i’ve had many over the years, i move a lot, and i’ve been seeing this one for a little under a year now).
after me and my husband started dating and we figured out we were gonna get serious, i was pretty open with him about my trauma since lots of it has to do with cheating and sex and relationships as a whole. i genuinely could not ask for a more patient and loving partner. he’s been wonderful since the start (caring for me, going at my pace, communicating calmly) and i credit his consistent love and care for a large part of why we have such a strong bond today.
the only issue is: my anxiety is getting so much worse. it’s been bad from the start (it’s gotta be bad to qualify for a diagnosis i suppose) but id honestly gotten so much better for a while. i trust my husband, i stopped worrying, i started enjoying things more; overall i just felt really really good. then a whole lot of change came. i got married, moved in with my husband, he started his new season (he’s a high school coach), and i began my new life as a stay at home wife. i work very hard to care for my husband since my tourettes (which i wont talk much about, it’s unrelated mostly) and anxiety is too severe for me to hold a job. i’ve tried remote work but can’t find openings. i have something lined up for may-ish with my parents and that should work out if all else fails (it’s remote billing work i know i can do). i cook and clean and overall have a nice time at home, even though the days can get long with certain projects around the house. i don’t mind it though, it’s really fulfilling.
things started great, but they’ve just been spiraling downhill. i’m back to having multiple panic attacks a day, something that hasn’t happened in years. i’m getting chest pains and heart palpitations, it’s hard to breathe, i can’t eat (something i already struggled with), can’t sleep, and my hair is falling out. my husband has been so loving and patient through it all, but i know it takes a toll. i make sure to regularly check in on him, usually when i bring dinner to him at work (he’s a night janitor as well). he tells me it’s hard, but we’ll get through it. it hurts me to know i’m adding stress to my husbands life, obviously that’s the furthest thing from what i want. yes, i do take good care of my husband and i shower him with love every day and overall we are happy together, but i just feel like it could be better. and i worry my husbands mental health with deteriorate from the stress and he’ll get burnt out. i want us to be okay for ourselves and each other.
my therapist thinks it’s mostly due to the big changes all at once, even if they’re all good changes, and the fact that i’m getting a major surgery on my leg next week to correct and prevent repeated injuries i’ve dealt with for years. it’s all just sending my anxiety into overdrive. i’ve tried meds before, but many gave me such bad side effects that i would get stuck in bed from being so ill (most medication doesn’t agree with me for some reason). i currently take genexa calm keeper (it really helped for a while) and a sublingual cbd isolate (i don’t like thc, doesn’t agree with me either). i want to try some new meds, but can’t for a while before and after my surgery.
my husband is taking on a big role in caring for me during my surgical recovery, and i know it’ll be hard. do any of you have any advice on how i can make things easier for him? i’m going to try and find new meds as well as continue to see my therapist. i try and prompt my husband to regularly practice self care (for him it’s a hot shower, video games with his friends, netflix binging, etc) and i think it helps, but i hope there’s more i can do.
TLDR my anxiety has suddenly gotten much worse and i worry about the toll it’ll take on my husband. any advice on how i can support him in my recovery?
thank you for taking the time to read and help me!
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2021.12.07 05:02 0cci How to deal with your (online) past?

Hello,
ever since I got sucked into the rabbithole that is internet security and privacy, I wondered how to deal with my past activity on the internet. Most of us have been using the world wide web for well over a decade. We probably did not have privacy in mind when we registered for a couple free services and games. It would be best to deactivate / delete those accounts completely. However it is nearly impossible to track down everything you signed up for in the past.
I am kind of lucky, that I have only used one email address for most of my life and I have recently switched all of my main services to a new, more secure and "lesser known" address. I wonder if that is sufficient or if I should track down old accounts or deactivate my old email address.
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2021.12.07 05:02 NORDLAN Western leaders urge Russia to lower Ukraine tensions

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2021.12.07 05:02 lilbatling Funny shaker flub; has this happened to you?

I've been using Keto Chow for a year now, mostly as a meal replacement once or twice a week when I go over to my partner's apartment.
I used to use butter before switching to heavy whipping cream, and my method before was to add butter to my blender bottle, add hot water to melt it, then add the powder before shaking it up a bit to mix it up. I would then add room temperature water to fill then giving it a good shake before putting in the fridge to consume the next day.
It had been two months or so since I made my last one and its like I forgot I switched to heavy whipping cream. Put in the heavy whipping cream, added the powder, put in hot water then shook it to mix it up.
Bad, bad idea.
The pressure built up so much that the top of my blender bottle popped off and shot hot powder mix all over my kitchen (and onto my face, hair, and clothes). I was shocked, other than the pain of the hot liquid landing on me, then I realized what I did. Oops.
No more hot water.. lol.
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